Andrea was my academic mentor when I was an athlete at Weber State University.
Lucky for me, she became more than that over the next year. She has been
my cheerleader on and off the track, as well as, in and out of college. I am thankful for
her friendship. When I saw her share her story on another blog, I immediately
messaged her and asked if I could feature it here as well. I was touched by her
words and felt impressed to share.
I know I talk about CF, but
I also talk a lot about being a wife and a Mom. That isn't the case for everyone who reads and follows a long here. I wanted to let those friends know, I hear you. Andrea hears you.
Andrea Lauritzen was raised in a small country town in
southeastern Idaho. She has lived on both coasts, and in numerous areas
of Utah. She has been a Licensed Massage Therapist and Therapeutic
Bodyworker since 1995. She holds a BS in English Literature with a Child
Development minor, and a BS in Family Studies, both from Weber State
University. She is currently a graduate student at USU in the Master of
Social Work program. Andrea married at the age of 26 and, after a brief
marriage and several miscarriages, divorced one and a half years later.
Andrea has been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints all her life. She has spent most of her life as a single.
She has attended young adult, mid-singles, and family wards. Her
faith and reliance on the Gospel have kept her safe and strong during the
darkest times of her life. She is over 50, and currently co-teaches a
primary class. She has 21 nieces/nephews, and 12 great nieces/nephews
(plus 2 on the way). She is the “cool aunt” in her family and remembers,
with a card, everyone’s birthdays. Andrea plans to start a private
practice once she’s a Licensed Clinical Social Worker – focusing on children,
trauma recovery and resiliency, and single-adult relationship enhancement.
Andrea is a published author, and presenter.
-------------------
Being
single can be challenging, especially in a culture where families reign and
marriage is the expected goal. How does one address this challenge and
still maintain a testimony of the Gospel and continue to see themselves as
valuable, loveable, worthy, wanted, and so forth?
For me, This struggle lasted many years. Add to that a brief abusive marriage and divorce. Sadly, the stigma of singlehood, especially of being divorced, makes many within the church uncomfortable. A few home teachers even refused to visit because of my status. Nonetheless, I’ve appreciated a multitude of exceptional home teachers throughout my single experience. I often felt I did not fit in the Gospel because I had not met the “required” marital and family expectations. This is the ideal. Yet, God has never indicated that one is accepted or loved less who has not yet obtained the ideal.
As I grew older, I found it more difficult to find my place. I didn’t fit in the singles crowd, or the family group, or the young marrieds. Where did I fit? The truth is, I fit exactly where God wanted me to be. I fit everywhere because I am human; and as a human I can connect with others on a level beyond one’s status. We are all unique, with our own set of core beliefs, standards of living, values, ideals, goals, adversities, challenges, hopes, and tragedies. These are part of life. They come with the body. As we come and embrace the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and live its teachings fully, God can use us for good wherever we are, and in whatever life stage we find ourselves.
God has a plan for each of us; and sometimes that plan includes being single for a time. When I began attending the mid-singles ward, I received a priesthood blessing. In this blessing, I was told that I had “been given this singleness for a purpose.” What?! I’d been given this? It has a purpose? For many years I did not understand this concept. Some years later, however, God gave me insight into what this purpose was. I had spent those years in jobs that allowed me to serve and guide others in various capacities. I’d gained further education, fulfilled church callings, made close and lasting friendships, worked on healing and improving myself, and had continued to live my life to the best of my ability.
One day, as I was talking with a co-worker, I had the strong impression that I had “chosen” the life I lived. Yes, before I came to earth I made a choice to give up having 3 or 4 kids of my own because I could help more of Heavenly Father’s children doing exactly what I was doing now. I wouldn’t or couldn’t have done these things if I was married with children of my own. I finally understood the purpose of my singleness. God sees all things from beginning to end. His plan is about more than simply our earthly accomplishments, our own needs to “keep up with the Joneses” or do what everyone else is doing along the same timeline. God has a unique and perfect timeline for each of us that places us in the lives of those we can learn from, bless, associate with, teach, heal, comfort, and lift. We are all in this together. He wants all His children to return home to him. We can’t manage this life alone. We need one another in numerous ways, at difficult times, and in everything we do. So, sometimes that means we need to wait a little while longer than we’d like to for the blessings we desire. It’s not forever (even if at times if feels that way). It’s just a short delay; and in the process many others have the opportunity, through our service and sacrifice, to also receive those blessings. What has someone postponed, or given up for now, so that you can be blessed?
What blessings have you thrown away
through your anger, resentment, doubt, hurt, or withdrawal from Gospel living
and church participation because life has not gone as you expected? Whose
life is not being blessed because you’re not
where you’re supposed to be? Never give up the most precious blessings
that come with the Gospel of Jesus Christ because of some perceived (or real)
offense from another; or from God’s perceived lack of blessings in your lives.
There is more to our life experience than that, so much more.
For me, the idea that
I had chosen my course seemed to make all the difference in my
attitude regarding my circumstances. There was nothing wrong with me.
I wasn’t broken, unworthy, unwanted, damaged, or undesirable. I was
being saved for a greater purpose, and for more marvelous blessings than I
could imagine at that moment. WOW!! I was valuable?! God had
a special plan for me as a single, middle-aged, divorced, and childless woman?!
I had a grand purpose, and a marvelous life ahead of me.
Life was often still
hard. I faced continuous challenges including physical and mental health
issues, work stresses, financial struggles, and all the other mortal
experiences we must go through as human beings in a fallen world. I still
desired greatly, to the point of physical aches in my soul, to be a wife and a
mother. Yet, I trusted in God and in His plan for me; and I remained
steadfast in my testimony of God’s love for me, in the Atonement of Jesus
Christ, and in His Gospel. I remained worthy to partake of the blessings
of the temple, which strengthened me against hard time. I learned not to
beat myself up each time I made a mistake. God knew we’d make mistakes.
He built that into the Plan of Salvation. That’s why He provided a
Savior – to pay for our sins and sufferings (those we bring upon ourselves, and
those brought upon us through the poor choices of others). This,
God continued to prepare me for a greater purpose which I could not even fathom
at that time.
A couple of years
after this epiphany, I decided it was time to let go of all
the items in, what I had called for years, my hopeless shed.
I’d been collecting items for a marriage and children for 30 years.
That year I provided Christmas to roughly 22 children. These items
weren’t serving any purpose packed in plastic containers. Some were even
becoming obsolete. That year, I received a multitude of confirmations
regarding how God sees the whole picture; and plans far in advance for His
purposes to be manifest. I learned that God can turn all our sorrows into
joy, if we let him. My hopeless shed because a joyful
HopeFULL shed that witnessed to God’s love for ALL His children.
At this point in my
life, as a 50+ year old single woman, I will never give birth to a child.
There is a part of me that still aches for the loss of that opportunity
and all that goes with it. However, I know that through following God’s
plan, I can “mother” many children, bless many mothers, and touch many lives
for good through God’s grace and insight. I am grateful for my life, for
those things I’ve given up for now and for those blessings I’ve received
instead.
There are still times when I am impatient
in my wanting; and where I struggle to understand the meanings of certain
situations. I’m human. I’m normal. I’m a work in progress,
just as all of us are. Know that God has a marvelous plan for each of us.
Our life, just as it is now, has a purpose. If you are not sure
what your purpose is . . . ASK, and keep asking and watch the answers unfold
into a beautiful tapestry of your life. God does not give us
full-disclosure all at once. It likely would not make sense, or may be
overwhelming. He gives us line upon line, as we are ready, and as the
space is prepared for these things to occur. Be patient. God’s timing IS perfect; even if life seems
unsure, chaotic, or hopeless at the moment. This too shall pass.
Don’t lose hope, at least not forever.
Stay true to your covenants, as this is what will carry you through the
doubts, fears, trials, heartaches, and challenges of life as you become all
that God knows you have the potential to be. It’s a process; a long, and
often painful journey toward Godhood. You can do it, yet, not alone.
We all need God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, and others along the way.
Look back on your life – your singlehood – and make a list of all the
blessings you’ve received that would not have come under different circumstances.
These may include a friend, a skill, knowledge, testimony; opportunities
in relationships, education or career; learning, service, insight, and so
forth.
Being single is a blessing. Those
who are single provide a unique perspective on Gospel living. We offer
help to the lonely, discouraged, overwhelmed, distraught, aged, and the young.
We can serve in capacities and places where others may not be able to.
We can strengthen people at work, at church, in our fellowships and
friendships; and be an example to struggling youth. We can take on the
role of “cool aunt or uncle,” supportive sibling, caregiver to ailing parents,
and more simply
Nevertheless, if you have experienced
trauma, suffer from physical or mental health issues, struggle with social
challenges, or experience other areas of conflict that inhibit your ability to
connect with others and live life fully . . . seek help! There are many
resources available to heal your wounds. Feel safe in accessing these
resources from church leaders and by seeking guidance from God and listening to
the Holy Spirit. If you have made choices that have led you away from
full-fellowship in the Gospel it is not too late to come back. God and
our Savior, Jesus Christ, stand waiting with open arms and loving and forgiving
hearts. The Savior understands, maybe better than we do, why we have
strayed or made certain choices. He has already paid for our sins, our
heartaches, and our pains. Come to Him and let Him heal you.
Sometimes healing happens quickly.
Yet, more often, it is a process. Our bodies are mortal and there
is a manner of healing physically and mentally that may need time, energy, and
focused attention. Hang in there. Healing is also done line upon
line, and layer upon layer, until we are made whole through the Atonement of
Jesus Christ. This process can sometimes be painful and challenging, like
the hurt that put it there. Don’t despair! Work through the pain.
It’s worth it when you get to the other side. For there, it is
easier to connect with God, and others. Sometimes our pain prevents us
from clearly seeing the path we’re on, and the better plan God has prepared for
us.
Don’t regret or waste your singleness.
Discover what purpose it holds in your life, and in the lives of others.
Keep asking. Keep taking steps into the darkness until you can see
a glimmer of the glorious light ahead. Being single is not the end of the
world. It’s just a step along the journey. Enjoy this step.
Learn all you can from it. Serve with love, and live in gratitude.
Gratitude, not simply being grateful, changes one’s perspective on life.
We can see things from God’s perspective easier when we live in an
attitude of gratitude. This time in our life, being single, has a
meaningful purpose to God. Whether you chose this, or it has been thrust
upon you, God can bring joy and fulfillment out of the heartache of loneliness,
waiting, and searching.
As I look back on my life, I can
clearly see how each step along the way (especially the hard ones) have
prepared me to fulfill my potential. I am currently in graduated school
becoming a social worker. I recognize that all the challenging experiences
of my life will serve me in having more understanding and compassion for a
variety of individual circumstances. I can continue to bless for good the
lives of more of God’s children. Being single was not a waste. It
was not a product of my incapacity to find a husband. It was not because
of some wrong I committed, or some damage that made me unwanted. It was
the crucible I needed to forge to become the person God wanted me to be.
It was the Gethsemane that provided me with empathy for others’ pain and
suffering so I could more effectively succor them, as the Savior succors me.
I am grateful for my singleness, for all I’ve learned and gained and
suffered. I am grateful for those eternal friends who bless my life,
which I would not have met any other way. I recognize now that the
greatest gift of my adversity was me. God used my adversities to shape
me, to lift and guide me, and to fashion me into the divine woman of God He
knew I was. I am still a work in progress. I still struggle
regularly. Yet I know to whom I can turn for strength, and where to put
my trust, and who has the answers when I question. It is this
relationship with my God, and my Savior, which keeps me safe and guides me
through my darkest hours into their glorious light and hope and future.
If you feel far from deity, or from
yourself, kneel and cry unto God for support. He is close, only waiting
for us to seek Him out. He will not force Himself into our lives, as some
people may. He wants to be invited . . . welcomed. Welcome Him in,
and be “encircled eternally in the arms of His love” (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi
1:15).
No comments:
Post a Comment