Tuesday, July 17, 2018


**Warning: post discusses blood and main contain possible triggers for individuals.

"Red... the blood of angry men!"
"Red... I feel my soul on fire!"
                                                 - Les Mis

Red... the pigment of hemoptysis.
Red... the hue of blood.

I hate hemoptysis. It frickin' scares me. The feeling of the bubble(s) popping in your airways, feeling the blood building up, seeing it in your spit cup, trash, sink, tasting it in your mouth, I hate it.

Coughing up blood never gets easier. You don't "get used to it." Its terrifying when it seems to not be stopping. It's difficult to keep a clear head, to think properly. To accurately judge the scenario and make proper decisions on what action is needed. This takes practice. It takes strength. It takes concentration. Try to imagine yourself doing critical thinking if this was happening to you.

It's utter relief when it does ease up. Relief, knowing your not going to drown in your own blood. I've never needed a cauterization to stop a bleed -- thank the heavens. But I do have many friends that have needed multiple cauterizations. And I have friends that have moved to Heaven because, the pooling was faster than the help that could arrive.

I hate hemoptysis.
Red... the blood of angry lungs.


Photos of my family on better days.
Evening sailing on Lake Pleasant, Arizona.

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