MIND RACING

It's 5:50am on Tuesday morning. I haven't slept a wink all night. The hospital is supposed to be a place for healing and it always makes me laugh how many times you're interrupted through the night. Do they sincerely think a broken or non-existent sleep is adequate for recovery or healing? Maybe that's not how all the floors are? Maybe just mine? Or specifically those caring for CF? If it's not the slow but steady stream of people in and out of your door; turning off alarming IV poles, or to poke your skin for blood draws, it's that your mind is racing of the unknown. You've just received some bad news, you're "taking it all in" - everything that's happening to your body right now. Or you may be going into surgery the next day. Worrying about your job, your family, things left unattended while you are here.

My mind is racing through many of those. Though, yes I agree to being an "open book," I also do reserve the right for some privacy and at this point am not ready to talk about all that is going on.

Though last night I had some visitors and a 12 year old boy, unbeknownst to the full extent of what's going on, he reminded me of the words, "be not afraid, only believe" (Mark 5:36). Turning my head and looking down, hiding my face with my hair, my eyes welled and my chin quivered. It was exactly what I needed to hear.